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Paul Lalonde is a Toronto-based writer and a friend of Zoomp Creative. His blog posts will appear in this spot from time-to-time.

There’s a scene in Martin Scorcese’s Taxi Driver where Robert DeNiro mutters to Harvey Keitel, “I’m hip.” Keitel snorts his reply. “You don’t look hip.”

I know the feeling. At age 44 I don’t fool myself into thinking that any of the young hipsters around me think I’m cool.

But it’s not for lack of trying. When I left the corporate world and started freelancing, I left behind blue suits, button down shirts and certainly the neckties. I’ve added some motorcycle t-shirts and awesome skater shoes to my wardrobe now; I wear them everyday as I head out to my co-working desk downtown.

Paul

Paul at the shared office space

It’s all part of the uniform at this place — band t-shirts and sneakers are standard for the couple hundred software programmers, graphic designers, “app” developers that I work alongside in this co-working arrangement.

After working here for a month, I’m intrigued by the “hipness” that surrounds me. My conversations with people here are limited to watercooler pleasantries, but if we ever really opened up with each other, there are a few things I’ve love to ask some of them. In fact, I’ve narrowed them down to the 10 big ones.

Here goes.

Dear hipsters:

10. Why are all your drinks in mason jars? What’s in them?

9. I like your skateboard. Can I try it? (I have the shoes!)

8. Shouldn’t you wear a helmet while using your skateboard? (I’m not being an old fuddy-duddy. Head injuries as serious, man)

7. Please keep the blinds open. Sunlight is good.

6. Why are you wearing a toque indoors? As I kid I wouldn’t even wear one outdoors!

5. You always have your power cords handy, and without any effort you find hidden outlets to charge your devices. Can you teach me that sixth sense?

4. Are you designing a porn website or have I just caught you viewing it? Twice! (That’s a true observation)

3. Are you having a beer at work? And you do it so casually and without looking around to see who notices. Wow, that’s cool.

2. You have been meticulously preparing your lunch for 15 minutes and it looks like some type of noodle salad. Good for you. In my 20s I microwaved pizza. Even a sandwich was an accomplishment.

1. Oh, I cannot believe I became focused on the unimportant details and forget to the most important question. Here goes: Please, do any of you want to hire a freelance writer? I can help your business with content marketing, communications and copywriting!

Signed,

Your hipster wannabe friend, Paul. You may recognize me as the guy who walked away and left his cheesy music playing throughout the floor, until someone stuck a pair of headphones in my laptop to block the distraction. Thanks, whoever did that!

One Response to “10 Things I Want to Say to the Hipsters”

  1. winkydee

    There are three errors in this short and mildly amusing article. As a freelance writer looking for work, you might consider taking two minutes to proof before publishing.

    Reply

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